2011 In Retrospect

Here I sit waiting impatiently for the year on my computer to change.  No I'm not going to be sitting here watching the seconds tick by, I'm going to be out celebrating the end of a trying year and the beginning of MY year.

2011 has been one of the hardest years I have had to bare in my 23 (almost 24!!) years.  Don't get me wrong, there have been many wonderful things as well, but this was my year to be broken and reborn.

Financial difficulties have plagued me mostly, as well has health issues.  I spent half my summer in the sweltering Oklahoma heat wave without air conditioning.  Tank, bless is chaotic soul, ate my camera (and source of extra spending money...).  Roxi got copper poisoning and made the kitchen look like a scene out of a Friday the 13th movie.  I've come close to losing my job.  Matt and I ended things and have been somewhat rocky ever since (currently things are great as friends).  Bestie turned her back on me (oh, I didn't tell you guys about that one... another time maybe...).  My Sooners lost in Bedlam... ugh...  I've a nasty, white trash person thinking they are better than me and bash me publicly, when in fact they can't lift a candle to my inner beauty and integrity.  My Meme had to have brain surgery but nothing was found, so they have to start over from the beginning to save her.  I've been screwed over, chewed up, spit out, walked all over, and made to feel completely worthless.

But despite all of that, I can honestly say this year was an important step in me figuring out more of who I am and where I'm going.  I have grown so much stronger.  I know what I deserve and how worth it I am.  I know who I can count on to be here for me no matter how "stupid" I'm being or how "dangerous" the road I've chosen may be.  Tank and I have learned that we can make it on our own; we've even added a little one to the family, Cleo the miniature schnauzer.  I have decided to undertake the steps I have to take to get my Masters' of Psychology (focus on abnormal psychology) and then join the military as an officer.  I've started eating right, experimenting with recipes and foreign foods (CHEESE!!!).  I lost 50 lbs in the last year and have almost reached my goal weight, so I started focusing more on toning than losing now.  I have come into my own in the social, dating, and sexual aspects of myself.  I told my mother the truth about so many things this year, we have become closer.

I may have been broken into tiny, minute pieces, but I'm picking them back up one by one with the help of those who love me.  I am a strong, independent woman. 

My resolutions this year are pretty simple: become a better me (both physically and emotionally), stay focused, and become a better friend to those who have been to me (including you guys!).

I will be sure to come back next year with lots of pictures and stories to share with you.  You know how I get, haha.

I'm going to go do my makeup now, lil miss Cleo is telling me I need to stepping on my keyboard and licking my face.

Have a safe and wonderful New Year!!  I love you all!

Love!!!

Borrowed Christmas Sentiments

Christmas is coming,

My ass is getting fat.

The kids have all gone mental

And the dog just shat. 

I'm oddly rather horny —

Just a quickie shag'll do.

If you can't put out for Christmas

Then really, fuck you.  

Christmas is coming,
I don't mean to be a crank,
But get your shit together
And then I want a spank.

There's so much crap to do
And I hate to be so blunt.
But after all the chores are done
You need to lick my cunt.

Your folks are staying over —
A tiny piece of Hell.
I think I've more than earned
For you to ring my bell.

This time of year is when
I really start to twitch
'Cos Christmas is coming...
Ain't she a lucky bitch.

I borrowed this wonderful little poem from a good friend of mine, Lady Estrogen.  This is basically how I feel about the holiday season.  Just gimme a good roll in the hay or a quickie now and then, and I'm content with that present.

I'll update you guys tomorrow on the craziness that is my family Christmas's.  I even have videos this year!!

I hope you all got exactly what/who you wanted this year!!!

Love!!

FOOOOOD!!!!!

I have been making some AMAZING new concoctions in my kitchen here lately.  Well, mostly E&C's kitchen but whatever.  I'm trying out something completely new to me tonight.  I always play it safe with chicken dishes, but I wanted a challenge tonight.  And let's face it, I'm sick of chicken at the moment.  So I went to Homeland and bought some fresh salmon, a veggie mix (celery, onions, and mushrooms), and some imported cheeses.

You know my love of wines, so of course I love cheese!  That, and my dad and I used to try all the cheeses at the deli when I was a kid.

I digress.

So I sauteed the veggies in olive oil, basically until they were hot.  Squeezed about a quarter of a lemon onto the salmon, followed by coarse black pepper, greek seasoning, and this strange lil salad seasoning I found at Big Lots (Salad Jazz in tomato basil) (also put some on the veggies).

Preheat the over to 350 ish.  Depends on how fast you want to cook it.  I like slow cooking meat because it keeps it from getting crunchy on the edges.  Top the salmon with the veggies.  Pop in the oven.

The only thing I know about timing salmon in the oven is that it's done when it's dry looking (thanks for the useful tip dad... lol).

It is currently in the oven as I type.  My apartment smells delectable, just saying.

The cheeses I bought were a French hickory smoked rambol and what they called Drunken Goat Cheese (the rind is treated with a red wine).  I can't decide which I want tonight.  I may just try small pieces of both.

And the finished product:

It looks interesting but tastes oh so good!  The greek seasoning really brings out the salmon flavor. 

I know, I know, styrofoam plates are sooooo classy, but hey when you don't have anything else you do what you can.  The purple rind is the goat cheese, the orange is the rambol.  Both go well with the salmon, but I prefer the goat cheese.  The flavor isn't all that strong so it doesn't compete with the fish.  The rambol has a strong after taste, which while it goes well with the rest of the dish, isn't what I would usually pair with it.

I'm off to enjoy the rest of my meal!  Happy cooking and Merry Christmas!!

Love!!

Story of my life

You know you have an interesting life when you wind up in handcuffs on a friend's couch with a beer in your hand while watching Shawshank Redemption...

This is the story of my life.  Well... except it was my first time ever in handcuffs, haha!

The single life of a broken woman in Oklahoma

Remember when I said that I didn't know if I was going to like this whole being single bit?  Well it sucks sleeping alone so much.  It's a financial bitch living on my own.  Cooking for one is pointless most of the time, so I cook rarely anymore, unless it's for friends.

However, I think I could get used to this.  I like not having to worry about cleaning up after anyone but the dogs and myself.  I like only buying groceries once a month.  I love not having to share shower and closet space with anyone else.

But what do I love most?  Being able to go out whenever I want with whomever I want.  I have had so many new experiences lately.  My poor liver is probably going to commit homicide in the next few years, but my alcohol tolerance has never been higher.  I'm pretty sure I can drink any man under the table any day of the week.

I have been graduated from college for a year officially.  I thought by now I would be engaged, be putting money back for a house, be starting my career, and finally have a stable life.  Damn was I wrong!  I'm single, broke, still at my receptionist position, and am riding a roller coaster of financial, personal, and public difficulties.  I am still in love with Matt.  He has moved on and breaks my heart more each day.  I relive the things he did to me, I did to him, and we did to each other every other moment; how we hurt and tore each other apart.

Despite all of this, I'm happy most of the time.  I have come to realize who my true friends are.  I'm learning who I am.  I finding new ways of enjoying myself.  Even realized that I have a few fetishes that are shared by many.  I live to make myself happy.  I'm indulging in pleasures I have never experienced and some I have but was never able to fully appreciate.

I am starting a new life.  One where I have to completely rebuild myself; rebuild my self confidence, make myself stronger, and repair the gaping hole in my heart.  I wake up each day wondering what new things await me.  I make sure I have something to smile about as often as possible.  I'm keeping my options open and my head held high. 

I am broken.  I am lost.  I am empty.  I cry myself to sleep often.  I have allowed myself to be used an abused more than once.  I feel alone in a crowd of those who love me.  I drink away my pain.

I accept this all as my penitence.  I am happy to rebuild myself and learn more about myself, even if it hurts to do so.  I respect myself more than ever.  I am a strong, beautiful woman that has more to offer the world than the world is ready for, that any man would be blessed beyond belief to say is his, that will make a difference in the lives of many.

And this is the single life of a broken woman in Oklahoma.

Je t'amore mes amores!