Thursday, July 5, 2012

How to Permanently Scar/Mortify a Repairman

That's right.  I'm going to teach you how to keep repairmen from wanting to return to your place.  Basically, how to meet new people without putting yourself out there.

Step 1: Rent an apartment where one has to walk past your bedroom window to get from the parking lot to your front door.

Step 2: Leave bedroom window cracked open all the time.  This way you can hear what your neighbors are arguing about outside and know when people arrive.

Step 3: Call in a work order for your bathtub to your landlord or rental agency.

Step 4: Have loud early afternoon sex, since usually repairmen show up at your place at 8am (fuckers, don't they know people like to sleep?!?!?!).

Step 5: When someone knocks on your front door interrupting your afternoon delight, answer in only a towel (have look on your face like actually I want to finish what I know you heard me doing).

Step 6:  Tell repairman that yes you were just about to shower, so yes they are inconveniencing you.

Step 7: Allow repairman in anyway.

Step 8: When repairman leaves to get part/key/whatever they forgot, suddenly remember you left your vibrator in plain sight in the shower.

Step 9: Leave it and shower.

Step 10: When repairman returns, answer door in same towel with makeup on.

Step 11: Try to carry on a normal conversation when they try to leave after fixing your problem, knowing they know you showered and still left said vibrator in the shower.

Honestly, I felt kinda bad for the guy.  When he left the first time, I sat down on the bed and realized I had left it in the shower all I could do was laugh hysterically.  I figured taking it out after I know he saw it (it's kinda hard to miss that color in a white shower) would make me look ashamed, when obviously if I'm posting this on here where people I know in real life read this I'm not.

Anyone have stories like this??  Link up and share!!  I know I'm not alone in crazy, embarrassing stories.