Wednesday, July 24, 2013

IPad giveaway

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Bloggers sign up

Come and join us on this great giveaway.

July 29 to Aug. 19

We are giving away an iPad with Retina display 32GB color Black
 value $599.00

We will have a max. of 200 bloggers for sign up, it will be a big giveaway.

The RC is not long because each co-host has there own RC with their links.

Here are the details to sign up:

-Free Link (Twitter or Pinterest)  
The first 50 bloggers to sign up will get a link free with announcement. 
Announcement is require or you have to pay a waver fee of $5.00
(Please read the sign up form on the top to know if we still have free space available)

-Link/ or extra links $4.00 each (if the free spots are gone, to be part of this giveaway you will need to pay $4.00 for each link you want on the giveaway)
Announcement is require or you have to pay a waver fee of $5.00.

-Co-Host $20.00
The co-host get 2 host page.  
10 links on the RC.
No announcement require.

Please send payment to as a gift.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Moving blues and shady bosses

This whole moving business is driving me absolutely crazy!  I don't remember the last time being quite this insane... Granted I had someone helping me pack/move everything AND a new lease already signed.

I have to be out of my apartment in a week, and I don't have a place to move into or a job lined up in Tulsa... In fact, I don't even know when the BF and I are moving to Tulsa.

Okay, I guess this needs a little of explaining.  If you've followed my sporadic posts, you know I have been trying to move to Tulsa for quite some time now.  It was just lucky that when I met the BF, he was already thinking of moving there as well.  The company he works for is opening 3-6 new stores in and around Tulsa and asked him to open/run one.  Unfortunately, the owners seem to be VERY unorganized.

The first store was originally scheduled to opened almost a year and a half ago.  It still isn't open.  Official open date is now June 6th.  We'll see. 

When he first asked about possible help with moving expenses, the BF was told that the company would help with the moving truck, deposits, and first month's rent (and another employee that is being moved mentioned an offer of paying a pet deposit).  This would just leave us finding a house in a suitable neighborhood (if you know anything about the Tulsa area, you know much of the actual city is getting pretty rough in terms of the inhabitants).  I found us a PERFECT house--3 bedroom, walk-in closets, big backyard with a firepit, fireplace, gas stove in a huge kitchen (limited cabinet space, but moveable shelving can fix that), indoor/outdoor pets allowed, and the realtor loved me.  It was 5-10 minutes (depending on traffic) from where he is to start working, with a movie theatre, shopping, mall, hospital, and great restaurants in close proximity.  Near the Muskogee Turnpike and 412, so getting to both my parents' house and Meme's wouldn't be difficult.  Like I said, perfect.

The last few weeks, he's been getting the run-around when it comes to getting all the assistance finalized.

Enter yesterday....

He finally gets a hold of the majority owner of the company who is in charge of all the financial aspects... Said owner offers to only help pay half of the moving truck costs... This is after he offered the previous offer to the other employee they are moving to the stores (said employee had already paid all the costs themselves).  His reasoning?  The BF seemed set on the idea of moving to Tulsa before they offered him a store.

Wait... What???  He had entertained the idea of moving somewhere, but never told his employers.  When offered the chance to run a store, he jumped at it.

How is it that you offer one employee full assistance but won't offer the same or even close to it to someone who has jumped at every chance they have been given for more responsibility?  You fire the GM and instead of bringing someone in, you have him take on more without a raise.  Yet they aren't valuable enough to pay for them to move to open your new store?  Another fact, the other employee is female.  One can make the strong argument of sexist policies with this.

I'm just so frustrated...

The BF has a two-step idea to get things paid for: letter, then get his sister involved (apparently she has quite a bit of experience in this sort of situation, I'm not sure what she even does).  I have a three-step idea: his two, and if neither of those work, let me talk to them.  I can be pretty convincing if need be.  Now if you're wondering what I mean by a "letter", it's pretty simple: voice his concerns about what his pay will be, which store will be his, what official policies are for the above situation, etc, ending with a phrase similar to "I look forward to the opportunity to grow with this company and take on more responsibility in the hopes of moving up, however, I must also consider what is best for me financially, career-wise, and for my personal well-being as time goes on."  I think that gets the point across that he wants to stay with them, but is willing to look elsewhere if they continue to screw him over.  I told him to start hinting to his coworkers about other job prospects without saying anything specific.  I know at least one person will run to the owners.  While he can't say he's looking for another job outright without jeopardizing his current position, he can make them think there is a possibility of losing someone they couldn't have been without the last few months.

To top all of this, my last day at my current job is tomorrow... I have a few prospects for jobs if we'll be here for a few more weeks, one temp job and one part to full-time job.  I may just take both if I get the nod.  Gotta save up the monies if we're going to have to pay for everything ourselves...  And without rent to worry about that shouldn't take too long.

I don't have my kiddos at the moment either... Sugar (my cat) is at a friend's house (got caught with her and she isn't on my lease... oops...).  Tank is at mom and dad's.  I hate not having them.  They make me so happy, even when they are being difficult.  They cuddle when I need it and give me something to do when I need to get my mind off things.  I can see Sugar whenever I want, Tank is more difficult seeing as how he is nearly 3 hours away.  Can't wait to get them back.  Another reason we need to get this all figured out soon.

Maybe I'm overreacting... I don't feel like I am. 

Does anyone have any advice or thoughts?  I'm basically at a loss...


Saturday, January 12, 2013

Good Enough

It's been a rough few days.  I've come to realize I'm not good enough.  I'm not good enough to have a steady job.  I'm not good enough for most people to stick by me.  I'm not even good enough for the person I love.  I'm just not.

People keep telling me that to be good enough for other people, I have to be good enough for me.

Why?  I've been completely broken and fucked up.  How am I ever going to be good enough for me?  I let someone rip me limb from limb and went back asking for more.  I handed them my heart and soul and very being on silver platter to do what they wished with.  And they did.  They destroyed me.

Why is it that I've finally been able to trust again and open up, and that isn't good enough?  I don't think anyone realizes how hard it is for me to even go out in public (even to this day), let alone let anyone in my life.

I try.  All I want to do is make those around me happy.  That is what makes me happy.

I was told that it's okay that I'm broken, it's okay that I'm fucked up.  That they still love me and they can handle everything that comes with that.  But can you?  Can you handle the constant nightmares?  The random panic attacks?  The days I don't want to be touched?  My severe mood swings?  The fact that I can be extremely needy for no reason at all (I can't even explain it)?  That I hate being alone, especially at night?  That I'm afraid of it?

Honestly, even my closest friends can't handle all that.  I just need someone to see all of this and say "It's going to be hard, but you're going to get through this.  And I'll be there every step of the way.  Even through the difficult times, I'll be there no matter what.  I'll love you no matter what."

I really don't think I can do this on my own anymore.  It's just made it worse.  But I can't talk to anyone about it.  My friends think it means I'm not over that person.  And I don't like bringing up what happened to my boyfriend or that I'm still always hurting (no matter how badly I need to talk about it) because I see the hurt in his eyes.

The sad thing is, even when I'm hurting more than ever, all he has to do is take me in his arms and I calm down.  My mind stops screaming.  The nightmares are bearable.  I can't do that for him though.  I can't do that for anyone. 

Maybe they won't let me.  I don't know.  Honestly though, it hurts more anything that has been done to me to know that I can't.  I finally found people that I trust again yet I still feel worthless.

I've given them my heart.  My trust.  My energy.  My time.  And in one case, my body.  Everything I have to give.  But it's not enough. 

All I want is to be good enough... And because I'm broken, I never will be...

Sunday, January 6, 2013

A New Year

It has been awhile since I posted much in the way of personal stories on here, lately my posts have been more political.  While that is personal to me, it probably bores most of you.  I can understand that.  My friends get tired of hearing it too.  It's just how I am.

I hope to get back to more personal things now.  Of course I will have my rants, that's just me.

This year is a new start for me.  I'm finally coming to terms with some of the things the ex did to me and have realized that it has drastically affected me.  I finally told a doctor that I have had panic attacks since my sexual assault (left out the physical assault and infidelity parts).  Granted, it was just my GCP, but he thinks I may have PTSD.  With the help of the boyfriend, I have finally made the decision to seek help in sorting it all out and fixing myself.  I know I can't do it alone anymore.  That made it worse.  I intend to start writing out my thoughts and feelings while I go through this on here, partially as a catharsis, partially because I know I am not the only person who has been through something like this.  If I can help someone else, even if just by showing them they aren't the only one who's been wronged this way, it will be worth it.

I also want to get healthier this year.  I was doing so well with my weight loss last year; I got down to 160!  Then I started gaining again.  I'm back to around 200, which disgusts me.  I know I can do better.  Honestly, it's not the number that bothers me, but the inches and that I'm completely out of shape.  So I'm going to keep an update going for myself on here.  The fact that this is public may make me more accountable.

I have several crafty projects started that I really want to finish.  My aunt is going to help me with my crochet technique, so hopefully I can become good enough to start selling a few things here and there.  I plan to sell some of my photos that I've had hidden away for awhile, so look for that!  Honestly, I have a few really good ones.  I'd love to share them with fellow art lovers.

Finally, I am moving out of Norman in the middle of the year.  I want to make a new start with people I know I can count on.  Oddly enough, the boyfriend and I had both made plans to move to the same city before meeting each other.  Fate works in mysterious ways, huh?  It's a new adventure!  He's going to opening a new store in the chain he works for.  I hope to start the trek to getting my Masters' in Forensic Psychology.  It should all make for some interesting stories to share.  Considering I'm moving in with Bee, one of my best friends from high school, I should have quite a few hilarious things to let you in on.

All in all, I want to get this page going again and possibly change it up here and there.  I want to bring back Obscure Mondays (I even have a few movies already lined up for it!), WTF or Wine Wednesdays, and possibly Thankful Thursdays.  One step at a time though.

I have missed you my bloggie friends.  I have missed your support.  I have missed out on so much in your lives.  I hope to change that.

For now, it's off to bed.  Have to get up early and make that money.