Started the garden finally!

Matt and I finally started working on our little garden today.  I'm so excited!!!  Like I said before, I prefer the taste of homegrown food over store bought any day.

We still need to dig up the plot of yard, but we have a few weeks to do so.

Spinach, Cucumbers, and Radishes.  YUM!

The one on the left has chili peppers, okra, and banana peppers.  The right is the one above.  And the bottom one has grape and large tomatoes.

I'll keep you updated with pictures as things go along, and share with you any tips or tricks I learn as well (or things that you shouldn't do).

Love!

Stuffed Portabellas

Like I said last night, I made stuffed portabellas for dinner tonight.  WOW.  That's really all I have to say for this one.  I kinda just flew by the seat of my pants on the recipe.  Oddly enough, its very spring flavored to me.

Here's what I used:
1/2 cup long grain white rice
3 large portabella mushrooms (whole)
1/2 lb ground beef (93/7)
1 1/2 cups spaghetti sauce
4 tbsp cream cheese
1 clove garlic, diced
chives
oregano (optional)
garlic powder (optional)

Here's what I did:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Cook rice according to packaging.
Brown ground beef, season with oregano and garlic powder to your liking (seasoning optional).
Mix and heat spaghetti sauce and cream cheese in small sauce pan with chives and diced garlic.
Carefully spoon out the feathery underside of the portabellas, along with a small part of the meat of the mushrooms (I added some of this to the sauce, but not too much.)  The excess can be a good salad topper.

 

Before and after spooning out the underside.

 Measure out equal parts rice and hamburger meat, add sauce until you reach your desired consistency, without making it running,
Carefully spoon the stuffing mixture into the mushrooms, making sure they are well stuffed (you have to be careful, though, they fall apart very easily).
Spoon a small amount of remaining sauce on top of the finish mushrooms.

Pre baking

Spray baking sheet with pan or other nonstick spray (I cover with foil, as well).
Place mushrooms on baking sheet.
Bake for 12 minutes.

Enjoy!!!

Finish product!

The flavor of the portabella is still noticeable even with this flavorful filling.

After making this, I realized you can alter this to suit your eating habits as well.  Instead of hamburger meat, you can use ground turkey (for those who can't have hamburger) or ground soy meat (for vegetarians or vegans).  I'm sure the vegan alternative for cream cheese, Vegan Gourmet Cream Cheese, would taste great as well.

Hope you enjoy this wonderful recipe!

Love!!

I can't seem to sleep...

Another late night for me...

OMG this sounds SOOOOO good right now!!!  Where can I find this???  Not in Norman, that's for sure :(

This always seems to happen when I get sick.  One of my roommates had a stomach flu that I caught and proceeded to pass on to Matt (at least, I think that's what happened).  So I decided going to work was a bad idea seeing as how vomiting on donors would probably get me fired...

My unplanned day off consisted of laying around, blog hopping, and puppy watching.  Oh and getting into a huge fight with my mother.

My mother is one of my best friends.  While this wasn't always the case--in fact, we hardly ever got along while I was in high school--it is now.  I really don't remember the last time we had an actual fight.  Until today.

For some reason, my loan bill is going to her, my co-signer, and not me.  So instead of enlightening me on this odd occurrence, she's been paying on it.  Well, when my dad got my taxes done a few weeks ago, he failed to send me the check he always sends (back story-he sends me a check for the difference when they run me as a dependent and not as one).  I saw my mom when Matt and I went to Tulsa to visit my Meme last week.  She told me they were keeping my tax refund.

I have been stewing over this for a week now.  I finally told her I didn't want to come visit when Matt and I drove down to see his folks.  This ended up causing a big argument in which I basically refused to sign the check over when it comes in.

I realize all this sounds very childish, but I feel that I have earned that money.  I know I am young and my mother does still help me out financially if its needed, but keeping MY money to pay on a loan I didn't know had started billing me is absolutely ridiculous.

I think this is why I can't sleep...

Ugh... I don't know how I feel about venting on here quite yet....

On a lighter note, I plan on cooking stuffed portabella mushrooms and ribs for dinner tomorrow (I will totally share the recipe if it goes well!!),

Nom nom nom, I love portabellas!!!

starting my little garden (at least in peat pots),

Hopefully mine look this great in a few weeks!

and watching an obscure movie so I can review it for everyone.  Hopefully I have time for laundry during all of this!!! :)

Love!

I love reading!!!

Yes, I'm still awake.  Imagine that.  Actually I fell asleep for a few hours and completely missed a good friend's birthday.  I feel like shit for that, but I really didn't mean to fall asleep.

Anyway, I was blog hopping (which has become quite the time consuming activity lately) and I came across a few reading challenges on Let's Start Saving Now.  Being the reading buff that I am, I was instantly hooked.  So I am now participating in a few of these challenges.




Very excited about this one.  I can definitely read 100 books by the end of the year.

I hope.

Thankfully, this one can be combined with other reading challenges she has listed.  A few of which I'm excited about.




(6 or 12 King books)


(24 of these)



(all 10 in this series)

I'm super excited about this.  My mother recently told me I needed a new hobby, maybe this counts?  Meh, I don't care.  I love to read.

Love!

Lessons from Childhood

Oklahoma can be so beautiful.  I'm sitting in my yard right now looking at whatever tree it is that I have in my front yard (its some sort of odd, bush-like tree; not very tall, but the branches reach wide and start low to the ground).  The purple blossoms make me happy.  As does the bird's nest near the top.

My purple tree

I've always been a country girl.  I grew up in southeast and northeast Oklahoma.  Until I moved to Norman a few years back, I'd always lived outside of town (unless you count Tahlequah in the dorms, I don't).

Sitting here makes me think of my childhood and the lessons I learned.

• Living in copperhead country, you never went outside barefoot.  Unless you wanted daddy to yell at you and send you back in for tennis shoes.  No flip flops, except in town, because they didn't protect your feet from all the things that could bite you.  Not only did we have copperheads, we had a few rattle snakes, blue racers (extremely fast snakes that came in pairs.  EEK!), scorpions, centipedes, all sorts of things.  All this paranoia about us kids getting bit has made a little too overcautious I think.  I always check my shoes for spiders and scorpions (even though I have never seen one since leaving southern Oklahoma).  I won't go outside barefoot unless I know there are no snakes or other biting creatures.  My yard has hundreds of ant hills (don't know if they are occupied though), so I always check my dogs for ant bites and won't go out back barefoot.

•  Animal care is of utmost importance.  My dad always had at least two bird dogs while I was growing up.  Not much has really changed there.  The only time I ever saw my dad discipline the dogs harshly was when they would get out of huge yard.  He had them trained very well, even my mutt puppy knew better.  One day my Meme (grandmother) surprised me with a rabbit.  Even though I hadn't asked for it (I HAD asked for a rabbit but not from her or really expected one), I was told that she was my responsibility.  That rabbit was the biggest baby you have ever seen.  She was spoiled rotten.  I had her for almost 6 years before she died, which considering she was full grown when I got her is a long time.  I joined 4H and started raising rabbits.  To pay for their food, I bred them and sold the babies.  The earned their keep and gave me much pleasure throughout the years.  Now that I have my own dogs, I try to take very good care of them.  They are fed on a schedule, trained (well Tank not so much yet, we're working on that), and treated very well.  While I was taught animals are for outside and are not people, I've fallen victim to letting them think they are people and keeping them inside.  It suits their personalities and fits our little family well.  They are my children and are raised as so.  I detest animal abuse and will quickly turn in anyone I suspect of it.  No animal deserves that.

The Kids

• Property boundaries are there for a reason.  Living in the country, this was somewhat blurred since we all walked across each others' pastures to get from house to house, but it was still known that you did not alter another person's property.  We had neighbors that insisted part of our land was theirs, even though our deed specifically stated it was ours.  The man who thought this was former State Representative Mike Mass.  He tried to push my father into agreeing to this because of his political standing (very corrupt man, look him up).  His sons would ride their four-wheelers through our fences and tear up our pasture.  It was quite aggravating and caused my father much frustration.  I don't know what exactly stopped them, but one day it all stopped.  Now that I live in town, this has come in handy.  I know better than to just chill on someone else's yard.  Unfortunately, my neighbors have not taught their children this.  I've come multiple times to them playing my yard, which while not that big of a deal, drives my pit bull crazy and she barks and growls through the door at them.  I'm afraid they think she is a mean dog (which she isn't, she's a big puss), but they are in fact invading her territory and she can't go out to investigate them.  Also, one of the neighbor kids continues to come into my backyard and steal our dog toys (only the Kongs, which if you know dog toys, are somewhat expensive).  It's infuriating. 

• Home-grown and homemade food always tastes better.  We had a HUGE garden when I was young; seriously, it was at least an acre or two.  I hardly ever remember buying vegetables.  I loved to help in the garden.  My favorite was when it was time to dig up the potatoes.  I think I would eat half of what I dug up.  If you've ever been a super serious gardener, I know you're grimacing thinking about what you put in the soil to make things grow bigger and better.  At the age, I didn't care.  I still really don't.  I know what we put out there, and I'm still alive today.  I think you develop a tolerance to that sort of thing when you grow up around it.  No pesticides (other than the necessary) or shine spray to fuck with the taste.  I hated it when winter would come and we would have to buy tomatoes from the grocery store.  They tasted like cardboard, and still do come winter.  We would buy ingredients for certain things, but for the most part everything was homemade (minus cake mixes, bread, and dairy/meat products).  I'm wanting to get a garden started here.  I'm not sure how well it would do, though.  Vegetables are SO expensive, yet we are constantly told we need to eat healthy.  It's hard to do so when you can't afford it.  It's also very meditative for me; it takes me back to a simpler time in my life.

• Oklahoma weather is unpredictable.  I call it bipolar.  I remember being rushed to the basement hundreds of times.  Dad would stand outside and watch it while talking to his brother to keep up on the forecast.  The next day it would be pretty and sunny.  No matter how many times the sky turned green or a tornado formed above our house, we were never hit.  We did have one go through the backyard and pick up my rabbit hutch about ten foot in the air and drop it.  Boy did Jim Giles get an ear full that night.  He never showed any rotation in our area, not even close to it.  Dad was furious.  I was oblivious: at a friend's house, aggravated that the internet wouldn't work because I wanted to talk to a boy.  Typical 13 year old.  Even as I sit here, the weather can't make up its mind.  For a few minutes it's warm and sunny, then the clouds roll in and I want a light jacket, then it's sunny again.  I was told it was supposed to rain.  I'll believe it when I have to take my computer inside for fear of ruining it.

I think I'm going to continue to sunbath in my tennis shoes now ;)

Love!

Idea? Possibly

So I just finished the movie Bitch Slap.  It has no actors that should be named and no plot line to really talk about.  It jumps around a lot and has some interesting girl-on-girl action (interesting because they somehow have sex with ALL of their clothes still on).

This isn't the point of my post, well not completely anyway.  I'm going to toy with idea of starting a weekly post about movies.  Preferably movies that few have seen or even heard of.  I'll give it a go and see if there is any response or if I even enjoy doing it.

This is going to be a short post, I think.  My friend who had heart surgery is doing very well by the way.  Bitching about not being able to get out of bed or the hospital, but that's expected lol.

Wow these credits are ridiculous.  Considering the movie I just sat through, that's saying something.  Lots of women dancing sensually in their underwear with the Asian chick from the movie (named Kinky) singing about herself.  It's too much.  I think my brain has been officially mushed....

Good night all!  Have a safe and happy St. Patrick's Day!

Love!

Not sure where I'm gonna go with this

It has been way too long since I lasted posted.  I feel like I completely failed on the 30 Days of Truth Challenge.  Right now, life is way too complicated and busy for me to commit to an every day challenge.  I think I'll pick up where I left off shortly, but my posts will be an "as they come" format not necessarily every day.

Our dog Roxi was deathly ill a few weeks ago.  Tank dug up an old phone line and she chewed on the end of it.  We found out the hard (and expensive) way that this can lead to copper poisoning.  We woke up to what looked like a murder scene in our kitchen.  I've never seen so much blood, other than in the movies.  Poor baby girl was urinating blood, which was her body's way of trying to flush the toxin out.

We rushed her to the vet, where she stayed overnight.  Copper poisoning is very rare and hard to prove unless the animal swallows a penny (specifically one dated 1983 and earlier) and it can be seen on an x-ray.  Apparently one tiny flake can cause what we experienced.  With her at the vet, I had the task of taking care of both Matt and Tank.  Both were severely depressed.  Matt made himself sick with worry and barely slept.  Tank wouldn't eat without his big sister at home.  My poor bubbas (his nickname) was skin and bone by the time we brought Roxi home.  I fear he would have starved himself if she hadn't have made it.

Matt dug up 20 foot of phone line from the backyard.

Both dogs are doing very well now.  Tank has been to the dog park twice now, he's a big hit out there.  When our "roommate" finally moved out and the backdoor has been open more often, he picked up on his house training very quickly.  It's amazing how intelligent dogs are when given the chance to show you.  But you know, I don't know anything about my own dogs.  It's not like I live with them and work with them everyday or anything.  Oh the ignorance of some people amazes me.


This is spring break for those still in classes.  I took off the whole week to spend time with Matt, and for a much needed reprieve.  Tomorrow one of my best friends is having heart surgery.  I'm not sure how I'm reacting to the idea of it.  I've lost so many people in my life.  Just the thought of losing him kills me.

It's times like this that the wall from my past goes up and I shut every one out to keep from getting hurt.  I have no where to go to think in Norman.  I miss my dock on the bayou, my days in the trees on the bank.  I miss the NSU campus where I could find a secluded place and just sit.  I miss the Honors' Lounge.  Sitting on the couches, watching my peers socialize and do their homework.  Don't get me wrong, I love Norman.  But I haven't found my quiet place yet.  If I could I would drive to Grandpa Del's and sit in the backyard in the trees near his pond.  I can't do that anymore though.  Not only have the trees been cut, but it's not the same without him there.  The house is cold, dark and empty.  The ghosts that are my childhood memories haunt me there.

Matt has said that we will have a house of memories like that one day.  Thinking about how I feel about the house now, part of me doesn't know if I want it.  I don't want to leave those I love a house of ghosts.

Sorry about the sudden turn of mood.  I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, which isn't always a good thing.

However, I have been thinking about picking up my writing again.  Fiction and poetry, not just blogging.  I kinda want to publish some of it on here, but I don't know if anyone would be interested in reading my ramblings.  I don't know... It's like putting part of my soul on display for the world to see and pick apart.  I would appreciate some feedback on the idea.  I think I may put up some of my old stuff just to gauge the response.  Maybe I'll create a blog just for my writings so that I still have this one for my more personal postings.

I think I have written enough for now.  I'll probably be on here quite a bit tomorrow while I sit at the hospital.

Love.

Sick... Again

It seems I'm sick.  AGAIN!  I may be doing many more posts while I'm sick, so please endure the bored postings.  I can't believe how under staffed the clinics are in times when the flu is running rampant everywhere.  It took me an hour to be told I have an upper respiratory infection and needed a z-pack, some weird cough medicine (disgusting too btw), and lots of liquids.  The cure-all, right?

2 hours later I had my prescriptions and essentials in hand headed out to my car.  I have never, NEVER in my life seen Wal Mart that ridiculous.  I was in line for an hour at least to buy $50 worth of everyday things and two 'scripts.  It's like Y2K is happening all over again.  I don't want to know how bad it will be when 12/20/12 comes around.  Not like you would need anything if the world ends, but people will still think every item in the store is necessary.  I understand getting the essentials: toilet paper, milk, water, medicine, nonperishable foods, etc.  But things like makeup, razors, and dog treats (not food, treats) blow my mind.  You aren't going anywhere important if you get snowed in and your dogs can go without things that will make them fatter than just sitting in a warm house will.  We checked the dog food and soup stocks as well as toilet paper and bottled water (in case of frozen pipes) before we made our short list.

I ended up having to pick Matt up from work tonight and got caught in my first Thunder Snow.  It's trippy when you have snow falling on your windshield with lightening and thunder all around you.  I was momentarily confused and then mesmerized by the new experience.  Thankfully I only had to drive one way on it, Matt prefers to drive if we're both in the car.  Then we braved the other Norman Wal Mart... not near as bad as my first trip, but still ridiculous.

Tank isn't sure what to think of all this cold, wet stuff on the ground and in the air.  All he wants to do is eat it.  It's too cold for him to want to play in it or even pee in it, but he'll eat it just fine.  Roxi on the other hand, can't get enough of it.  It's her favorite weather, which is odd because she doesn't like to be cold.  They're getting along so well now, it's like they've always been together.  Roxi would have made a great mother if we would have decided to breed her.  She plays with him kinda rough, but then comes to him if he cries to make sure he's okay.  It's precious.

Well... I've been thinking about posting up some of my writings up here.  I'm not sure if anyone would actually read them though, so if you think you'd be interested let me know and I'll slowly put some up.  I just need to start writing again, other than actual blogging.  It's a great way for me to really say how I feel and what I think.

My head is really hurting, so I think this is going to be it for tonight/this morning.  I'll probably have more up in like 12 hours.

Love!!

30 Days of Truth--Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you on the most

This isn't very hard for me.  I've always gotten compliments on my hair, even after I started dying it.  I've always had long, curly hair (minus the few times I chopped it off).  It is naturally dirty, strawberry-blonde, but right now it is a dark, bright red.

Even dyed, people love to play with my hair, which is fine with me since it's one of the only ways I sleep lol.  They say it's really soft.  It's so thick though, I don't know how they don't get lost in it.

I used to get comments on my eyes and ass, as well.  My eyes, if accented correctly, stand out really well.  I love it when I get pictures where all you can really focus on is how pretty my eyes can be.  My butt, well, it's always been something I'm proud of.  It's not a typical white girl ass.  I would show you pictures, but I'm not quite that crass. 

When I find my portable harddrive in this crazy mess of a house, I'll post pics of my hair and eyes.  Personally though, I'm partial to my boobs.  Wow this post makes me seem conceited.

30 Days of Truth--Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know

This topic is rather difficult.  There are many people I wish I hadn't met in my life but I know that even the littlest change could change my present.  However, there is one person that I think what little influence they could have possibly had would not change my current happiness.

In high school there was a girl that seemed to thrive on the drama she caused others.  She would pretend to be friends with you one day and stab you in the back the next.  She often times would tell people she was pregnant with the child of another girl's boyfriend.  Her favorite target seemed to be me.  She would tell people I was cheating on my boyfriend, that I bad mouthed my good friends, that I was a slut (with fake stories), that sort of thing. 

The day my grandmother died she told everyone, including myself, that I deserved for her to die.  She said I was a horrible person.

My high school career was drama filled because of the things she would say about me.  I wanted to leave Fort Gibson so badly that my mother considered leaving her excellent new job just to get me out of there.  The treatment that her rumors got me led me to contemplate and even attempt suicide a few times.  Graduating was the best thing I ever did for myself there.

30 Days of Truth--Day 9: Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted

Day 9: Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted
Oh goodness, so many people fall in this category.  I've had many people come in and go out of my life in the short 23 years I've been alive.  I know there is a saying that people will always come and go in your life, it's just the time period that changes.  Some people are meant to stay until one of you leaves this life.  Some people are meant to be a big part of your life for a few years or more and then leave.  Others only fleetingly come into your life.  All of them make a difference, and almost all of them are hard for me to let go.

First is my high school best friend Lacey.  She and I were so close our first couple years.  Every weekend we were at each others houses.  We would perfect card games while watching B-rated movies.  We got our first job together at Simple Simon's Pizza, and then worked together for a short time at Red Lobster.  We basically had two sets of parents and two homes.  Junior year she went to Vo-Tech in the afternoons and got a crazy boyfriend (who she later married and then divorced).  We slowly grew apart.  We had our drama throughout high school, usually about boys.  I missed her.  We both started to hang out with new people.  I joined color guard and become somewhat of a band geek (not very much so).  We still talk occasionally, but not very much.  She lives in Muskogee with her two sons, stepsons, and new husband who I have never met.  I miss her a lot.

My friend Kevin.  I've known him for about 10 years now.  We met at church camp and were basically inseparable the entire week.  We then went about 3 years before we saw or talked to each other again.  When we did, it was again at church camp and it was like we hadn't missed a beat.  I had had surgery a few weeks before camp, so I couldn't do many of the activities I usually did at camp.  He sat around with me and kept me company all week.  After that, we talked all the time.  At one point we almost dated.  Part of me regrets never getting the chance to see what that was like, but at the same time our lives wouldn't be where they are now.  We still talk occasionally, but after I broke his heart he has become somewhat distant.  I visit him as often as I can when I go home, but that ends up being about once or twice a year.

30 Days of Truth--Day 8: Someone who has made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Day 8: Someone who has made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
This one is really hard for me to talk about.  When I was young, I was the biggest daddy's girl you would ever meet.  He wasn't home most weekends, but when he was I was always by his side.  I wanted to be just like him.  He has been self-employed most of my life, but always worked long hours.  He didn't take a day off for anything.  Unless I was sick.  He would call his customers and reschedule repair jobs (if they could be postponed).  I remember he would make me tea with honey and lemon to help me get better.  I hated having lemon in my tea, but he tried to get me to enjoy it enough to help.  I drink it that way now sometimes.  During the summers, he would let me go with him to work.  I knew most of his customers by the age of eight.  He even helped me to start a little business of my own changing a/c filters for local businesses to teach me responsibility.

This made what happened after we moved to Fort Gibson so much harder.  All of a sudden he wanted nothing to do with me.  He wasn't very nice; it felt like nothing I did was good enough for him.  He called me names and treated me like I was a burden.  These feelings were multiplied by the fact that I was in high school dealing with petty teenage drama.  My attitude probably didn't help things.  My mom and I didn't really get along, so I felt completely alone.

I don't remember him going to any of the plays I was in.  I think he attended one color guard competition, that wasn't even the state championships my senior year.  Even now it's hard to think about how he goes to all the football games my little brother marches in.

After I went to college, things got better but not great.  I lived 30 minutes away on campus, but he still tried to control what I did after wanting no say in my life the few years prior.  When I told him I was transferring to OU, he told me I was going to ruin my life.  He said I was making a stupid decision and end up making nothing of myself.  Since moving so much farther away, though, things have gotten much better.

When I come home now, he makes my favorite meals and takes my car in for regular maintenance.  He calls me to ask when I'm coming home and sends boxes of food with me when I leave.  He wrote me a little note not long before graduation telling me he's proud of me.  It's still on my refrigerator.

It's been too long

 Sorry I haven't posted in awhile.  Life has been somewhat hectic lately.  My 23rd birthday was Tuesday. My good friends Kyle and Marchel made me dinner and a cake.  There is apparently pictures of me with my cake on Facebook somewhere, but I haven't seen them yet.  I'll add them when I do.

After a good night with good people, Marchel and I went to the shelter the next day to possibly pick out a new puppy.  We played with sooo many puppies.  I finally picked out the cutest little pit mix ever!  We think he's part German shorthair pointer.  He has the build and face of a pit bull, but the coloring of a gsp.  He even points occassionally!  It took Roxi a little bit, but she finally accepted him.  They love to wrestle.  She's become protective of him as if he is her puppy.  The only issues we've had with him is his trend to only sleep through the night every other night and his hardheadedness when it comes to potty training.

I need to catch up with my 30 Days of Truth, but I think I will just pick up where I left off.  Keeping up a blog and chasing an ankle biter who likes to pee in the floor and climb on my computer is quite difficult.  If there is another break in my posts, that's why.

Matt and the Kids

Happy-ish Almost Birthday to me?

It's been interesting here lately.  I went out to Partners and The Copa last night with a co-worker and her girlfriend.  I had a lot of fun.  Partners is basically just a bar where (mostly) lesbian couples go.  They have a few pool tables and a small dance floor.  It was pretty dead last night, I was told Saturdays are much better.  I enjoyed being able to sit with a beer and play pool without having to worry about us hogging the table or losing our seats.  Partners has probably the second best wait staff I've had at a bar (Sooner Legends being the best, but I'm sure it helps that we're on a first name basis with them).

At The Copa, the atmosphere was much much different.  It's a gay/lesbian dance club.  That is the first place I've ever seen old gay cowboys all decked out, one even had on a floor-length fur coat.  It was nice to see people being themselves and being comfortable with that.  Saw my first drag queen NOT in a show; actually I saw two.  Copa is a very out and crazy place.  We had jello shots and watched the near-naked male dancer (who changed his boxer briefs twice while we were there, talk about diva lol jk).  We danced and people-watched.  And of course, had several jello shots :).

I was super comfortable at both locations.  It was nice to not have to hide.  I guess I need to clarify that statement some.  I know some of my sorority sisters follow this, but I think it's time for me to be honest.  I'm bisexual.  After a big argument with a sister my first year about her belief that our sorority having open and out members would harm us, I decided to keep my sexuality to myself.  All everyone knows/knew is that I'm dating Matt and have been for years.  I'm head over heels for that boy, that hasn't changed; he isn't some sort of cover or anything, I genuinely love him with all my heart.  I've never been attracted to any of my sisters, they have always been like real sisters to me.  I feel like I've been hiding a large part of myself from the majority of those who know me, so this is my "coming out" I guess.  It needed to be done.  You can't really know me without knowing such big part of my personality.

Anyway, today I've been lazy.  I'm not hungover, but I just haven't felt the need or drive to do anything.  After chillin with Matt's boss and her two pits, I brought him home.  I cooked some kickass baked spaghetti!  It's basically veggie spaghetti since I didn't have any hamburger meat.

I've decided I'm getting another pit puppy.  Matt and I have been talking about getting another dog.  We had almost agreed upon the scottish terrier breed, but those dogs always get adopted and have homes.  Pit bulls do not.  There is a beautiful blue brindle pup that Tia Torres of Villalobos Rescue Center (aka Pitbulls and Parolees) has on her website.  I am in love with this baby girl.

I'm actually watching the newest episode.  I'm in tears watching them evacuate the dogs to save them from a wildfire.  I'd die if I had to fight to evacuate Roxi to save her life.  Tia is so attached to those dogs.  Her heart and courage always astound me.  She is definitely one of my heroes.  Her work is one of my inspirations to create a pit bull rescue.

Well, Imma get off here to finish this episode and enjoy my hard smoothie :)

Love!!

Ugh...

Today was an off day.  I work at CSL Plasma and we closed early today.  Normally I'd love that but the weather is horrendous right now: icy rain, minute snow flurries, and fucking cold.  I haven't been sleeping well either.

My neurologist finally saw me the other day.  He was not the best doctor I've ever seen.  Ever watched House?  Yeah, when it comes to patient contact, mine was way more afraid of it.  I mumbled and sat across the room with his head behind a laptop.  He also didn't order my CT results so had no idea what they showed.  I was told they were clear, but its the principle of the thing.  All he did was poke me with a sharp stick (to make sure my nerves felt sharp supposedly) and prescribe me some anti-seizure medicine.  He said it would help me sleep and relax my nerves.  So far both are a fail.  However, it does make me sleep deep enough (when I actually get to sleep) that I talk in my sleep and carry on coherent conversations.

I'm still sick.  I feel like I'll never get over this crud.  I'm coughing and sneezing and am congested.  It sucks.  I think I'm gonna try to go to bed now to get over it...

Oh, slowly making my way through the 30 Days of Truth.  It's getting a lot more personal than I anticipated.  Please forgive me for anything that is incriminating or makes me look horrible.  This is a type of catharsis for me so I'm trying to clear my conscious.  I'll probably open up more as I go through it.  Hopefully.

Night world, love!

Self-Reflection

So I've been reading my sister's blog aiukli, and have decided to do the 30 Days of Truth challenge.  I've realized I need to do some serious self-reflection.  I've been really confused as to where I'm heading in life and if that direction is where I really want to go.  Knowing myself better will help me better decide what is best for me.

On a less depressing note, I've found an amazing new show.  It's called The Dresden Files.  I found it on Netflix, so I'm not sure what station it's on.  If you've ever read Jim Butcher's books by the same name, you'll probably love it.  It doesn't really follow them too terribly well, but it has the same bones and if you recognize that the stories are major side stories you'll like it.

Check this out: dog toy  We are definitely ordering this for Roxi!  It should be hours of fun for everyone, Roxi included lol.  She LOVES chasing laser pointers, so this just takes the effort out of it for us lol.

Well, I guess that's all I have to say tonight.  Gonna start a new page for the 30 day challenge, so check it out.

Love!

Gettin Ready for Christmas

Today was my first Wednesday to work in what feels like forever.  Definitely was not on my game today. 

Matt and I cleaned the room the other day.  It was ridiculous how bad it was.  Ever seen an episode of Hoarders?  Yeah, almost that bad.  It was mostly my clothes everywhere, so it wasn't hard to clean.  I guess that was our way of making up.  Bonding experience lol.

I went in yesterday and got my trageus pierced.  A graduation present from my second favorite little brother, Jace.  Definitely didn't hurt, a little sting, but no pain.  No pop sound either which was weird.  I hit it earlier which hurt like a bitch though.

This Christmas should be interesting.  First year without Grandpa Del (didn't go last year due to snow).  I'm half tempted to stay home and be a hermit.  I love my family and all, but it's hard for me to be around them without him.  Graduation was hard enough without him there.  I wish I had gone to see him more often before he got sick.  I feel bad about that still.

This is probably the most pointless post I've made yet.  Oh well.

Starting a new chapter

Tomorrow starts my first Monday as part of the "real world."  Yes, the girl who never knows what she wants to do with her life from day to day has finally graduated.  All I know is that I have no idea what I'm doing from here on out.  Part of me wants to do what I did when I gained my collegiate independence and party every night I can.  On the other hand, I want to be more responsible.  Is it possible to do both?  Maybe we'll try that out for awhile.  I'll let you know how that goes.

Went to my work Christmas party last night.  We ended up back at the bar at Sooner Legend's (which is where I celebrated and got completely hammered after graduation Friday night).  I proceeded to again get smashed.  Had a lot of fun though.  Matt didn't feel well and went home.  I stayed with Kyle and Marchel.  Now he won't talk to me... I'm not sure what I did wrong.  He didn't feel well and didn't seem to want to be there so I let him go home.  He knew I wanted to be there.  I didn't try to make him feel bad or guilt him into staying.  Should I have gone home with him?  Probably.  Would I have been happy about it?  No.  I would have ended up being a bitch which would have us in an even worse position than we already are.  Why is it that when I try to do right, I end up fucking up?

Anyway, I'm sure no one wants to here sob stories so here's what's been hot in my mind lately: Poe.  No, not Edgar Allan the writer, Poe the singer.  Her music seems to speak to me no matter what s going on.  A couple songs that are really speaking what I want to say are these:

Both good songs.  And Poe is amazingly beautiful.  From a conversation had last night, she is definitely my type and I would take her home in a heart beat.

I'm not sure who I continue posting for.  I know no one reads this.  I guess this is cleansing or something.

Whatever, goodnight to whom ever reads these.

This weekend was definitely top 10 all time greatest weekends!

So this weekend was OU/saxet weekend and Matt and I had tickets (finally!). I booked an amazing hotel (that oddly enough would upgrade you to romantic stay with wine, chocolate covered strawberries, and rose petals but I digress). We needed something to do Friday evening so we went to Northpark mall. Dear god I've never seen a mall with stores devoted to specific designers! There was a Versacci store, a Louis Vetan (sp?), an Armani store. It was ridiculous! Anyway, we ended up not going to get sushi like our tradition entails, which was a bummer, but we did get to go to the game for the first time ever and had AMAZING seats. I'm soooo glad we won this year! The fair was decent. Maybe it's because we didn't explore as much as we have before, but I wasn't very impressed this year. I did buy my B-52 model airplane though, Grandpa would have loved it. Met Matt's friend Nate (again, finally lol). Pretty kick ass guy. He crashed on our chair Friday night.

That basically covers this weekend. Went to Babe's in Sanger on the way home like always. Not much else lol. I guess the actual game took a lot out of us.

Matt and I

The view from our seats

Touchdown!!

Adrian Taylor claiming the field as ours!

Yay!

Headed to Texas for OU/TX in less than 7 hours. I'm super duper excited!! Our hotel is 12.1 miles from the fair grounds, 4.2 miles from Market St, and pretty bomb! Have more to post later! Good Night!

New Beginnings

I haven't posted an actual blog in god knows how long. It's been a crazy time. Life has thrown me some curve balls, but I haven't struck out yet which is a good thing.

I applied for graduation from OU today (Wednesday). It's crazy to think that after 18.5 years of school I could actually be done. I haven't decided if I'm going to go to grad school or not, but I know that I am at least taking this coming spring semester off so I can work and take a break from all the papers and such.

Matt and I have moved in together officially. On one hand, it's weird because I'm actually living with someone and making a life with someone. On the other, it's what I've always wanted--to find someone who can put up with all my bullshit and quirks and issues but still love me and want to be with me. We've actually started talking about the future, which in the past made me run, but with Matt it's different. It's not just wishful thinking. It's real and here. I'm still not sure how we got to this point, we've had one of the strangest relationships I've ever seen. Maybe that's why we're good together. We have a 4-legged child named Roxi, she's a 15 month old red-nose, brindle pit bull. She is seriously my child. I look at her and just wonder if I love her so much how I would be if I ever had an actual child. She's spoiled rotten and doesn't know she's a dog. She's a person in her mind. She sleeps in the bed with us, uses a pillow, and crawls under the blanket when she's cold. She even has a place on the couch. She is also our bedtime alarm; if she's not in bed by about 11:30 she gets grumpy and huffy. It's quite adorable.

I think this is long enough for my first new post. More later. Good night!

Final Essay #2 What is Feminism?

Feminism can be defined many different things to many different people. Its been called a man hating doctrine, the ideas of lesbians, and many other things. While taking the Introduction to Women’s Studies course, students were introduced to the many different definitions of feminism. This makes it difficult to come up with one single definition. However, through examining readings and class discussions, it is possible to develop a broad, overarching theme for feminism.
The first wave of feminists fought to ensure the voting rights of women. In the beginning, they did not consider race as an issue; the women that were the faces of the movement were middle-class, white women. In the movie Iron Jawed Angels, there is a scene where the women are discussing their march on the day that the president of the United States arrives. During their conversation a black woman enters and asks when they want her women to meet them for the march. She is told that they are to march in the very back, away from the white women. Today, this seems to defy the very things that feminists stand for, however, back then the white women only wanted to be equal to their white male counterparts.
The book, The F Word, gives a good overview of the second wave of feminism. This took place in the 60s, 70s, and 80s when women wanted more equality in the workforce, more access to sex education and birth control, and in general, to be more independent from their husbands. While there was still a lingering sentiment that felt that black women should work with black men on civil rights instead of feminist rights, this movement was more accepting of having black women involved and even embraced them. This way of embracing and broadening the mission of the feminist movement have made it easier for the third wave generation to bring about more change. The third wave is sometimes considered part of the second wave in that it is still pushing for equality in the workplace and reproductive rights. It also has a focus on sexual harassment and the rights of single mothers.
At the beginning of the semester, the first chapter in the book Feminism is for Everybody was assigned as well as discussing the class’s thoughts on what is said. The author gives her definition of feminism in the very first line: “feminism is a movement to end sexism, sexual exploitation, and oppression (Bellhooks, 1).” She goes on to discuss the many different reasons that women are exploited: age, race, religion, etc. For this generation to see the end of sexual discrimination would be an amazing feat. Feminism is trying to promote sexual equality, but many wonder what that means exactly. The class decided that while this is a good beginning, it is not what they wanted to use as the complete definition.
One of the biggest issues discussed was that of reproductive rights. Many people brought their religious beliefs into the discussion, which while it is their right to believe the way they do, most felt that those beliefs should not forced upon others. It was a very good debate about whether women should be able to what they wish with their bodies (as long as it is within the range of what is legal). Bellhooks included a chapter about the argument of abortion and birth control that discusses the platforms for and against the idea. The said debate has made safe abortions expensive and hard for women of meager status to obtain. This has put the safety of women in jeopardy. Is feminism for abortions or just for the right for a woman to choose for herself and her body? It seems that a feminist can be for or against abortion as long as they appreciate that others have a different opinion on the matter.
For those who choose to have children, Opting Out by Lisa Belkin discusses the decisions of women who went to college but decided to have children instead of or before starting a career. It goes along with the third wave of feminism in that the women want the choice, however, they want to be treated like men who have children who are not penalized for becoming parents. They want to be able to have the job and the family. Unfortunately it is difficult for employers to hire women who they know will be missing work to take care of sick children and the like. This is something today’s feminists are up in arms about. They feel it is a type of oppression of women in the workplace and are working to have mothers treated better than they are. Another topic that is similar is that of gender roles. Feminists do not accept being placed into traditional gender roles. They want to be able to be themselves.
Today feminism covers many different areas. After looking at these different ideas, a good definition of what feminism would be this: feminism is the movement to ensure the racial and sexual equality of men and women every aspect of life. A person should be given the right to education his/her self in sex and birth control, as well as in a chosen trade. For each person to have equal rights in the workplace and in their public and private lives.
These ideals are ones that this author tries to ensure for herself and others. She has grown up in a household where each member of the family takes on every chore and helps each other as much as possible. She has never dated boys/men that try to keep her restrained to the ancient female roles. She will continue to push for and possibly become a lobbyist for the equal rights of all.

Works Cited
F Word (chapter 2) by Kristin Rowe
Feminism is for Everybody (chapters 1 and 5) by Bell hooks
Opt Out by Lisa Belkin
Movie: Iron Jawed Angels

Final Essay #1 Inequality in the Workplace and Public Eye.

Over the semester we have read several articles and book chapters related to the equality of men and women in the workplace and the world in general. It has been strongly emphasized that even in the world of third-wave feminism, women are not equal to men. Readings specifically related to the equality issue that I have found informing and interesting are Taking Sides, Opt Out, Fresh Lipstick, He’s a stud, She’s a slut, and the Beauty Myth. Taking Sides focuses on the arguments about the differences between men and women, while the others focus more on specific issues.
Taking Sides has two sides to it—hence the name—one side says that yes, men and women are different but these differences are not enough to make a difference; that these differences are strengths for each gender. The other side says that there are multiple psychological, emotional, and physical differences between the sexes. It argues that these differences are important enough to allow for men and women to be treated differently and given unequal duties in work and school. Over the years men have tried to find ways to keep women subservient, this article emphasized that men will find any way they can to do so even in the present time of supposed equality.
Equality in the workplace is still a big deal in America, specifically the equality of working parents. Opting Out is primarily about women who have gone to college to get a good education but have decided to have children instead of going into the workplace. While some of the women give reasoning along the lines of just wanting children in that time of their lives, others say that by having their children before they go into the workforce makes it easier to get a good job and be promoted. Women who haven’t had children are considered risky hires to some employers because if they have children they will most likely take maternity leave and have to take off for their children. They are not promoted as quickly when they have children and are sometimes “let go.” However, men are not penalized when they become fathers. This is blatant discrimination in the workplace; however, it is not considered as such by the law.
Going back to the first wave of feminism, women who were to be seen in public were supposed to dress a certain way. In Fresh Lipstick, it starts out by talking about how the women of the first wave would dress in “navy suits” or in “Jacky Kennedy-style.” It also talks of how the women were embarrassed by the way Betty Friedman, their first president, dressed. It was not considered “professional.” It goes on to talk about how women were concerned about looking “feminine” in everything they did. This concern was not so for men over the years. The only men who were ever required to look professional were those who worked at banks, in politics, or something of that status. These women were looked down upon if they did not dress in what was considered appropriate. They were not allowed to hold jobs, but still had to dress as though they did. It seems that the men just wanted their women to make them look good, like they had the “trophy wife.” A man could dress down, but women could not. This is still somewhat prevalent today. While women are now allowed to wear slacks and pantsuits, men can still dress down more in the workplace. Women must “look the part” to get the part while men are given the part more easily. Having inequality become so visible is a frightening concept for women striving to climb the career ladder.
Not only are men and women held to different standards in the way they dress, they are in their actions as well. In He’s a Stud, She’s a Slut, the author examines the different ways the sexes are judged according to nearly identical actions. The two that stood out were over sex and leadership. In regards to sex, men can have premarital sex with multiple partners and it is considered a good thing. If it were known that a woman was doing the same thing, she would be called a slut or whore. Men can use sex to further themselves in some part of society, but that would lower a woman in the same circles. It is similar with leadership. A man who is in charge and strict is called the boss. A woman who does the same things to get the same results is called a bitch; however, if she does not push to get things done, she is not promoted to the top positions. It is a lose-lose situation. When women conduct themselves like their male peers, they are judged harshly. Unfortunately, to get to the top, women must sometimes deal with these judgments and act as if they are not affected.
The article The Beauty Myth seems fit to follow this with its study of how men and women are seen by the media today. The media’s portrayal of a near impossible body type for both men and women. This what is considered the ideal look and what is beautiful. Women are more harshly judged against this model then men. Employers hire those they think will best represent the company and that can end up being decided upon by how the person looks. It is considered bad PR to have someone who is not a representation of the what a company is trying to sell, so the better you look the more professional you look, which reflects better on the company. Unfortunately, what the media portrays is not the norm. Women are judged inferior to airbrushed, molded models and are treated as second class if they do not fit that mold. This is the most detrimental type of inequality to the female sex: the inequality of image. Making women fit a mold instead of admiring the individuality of each is demeaning.
The inequality between men and women in the workplace and public life has changed over the years. These articles discuss how it has changed, and how it affects today’s women. While the inequality may not be as noticeable to those who have not been introduced to the many types, it is just as widespread as it was before. This makes me wonder if men and women will ever be treated equally in the public eye. Will we always have to conform to the mold to be successful? This has caused me to strive to be treated as an equal in all that I do. I will hold my employers responsible and make sure I am not looked over just because I am a woman. We must all do this to help bring about change.


Works cited:
Fresh Lipstick by Linda Scott
He’s a Stud, She’s a Slut by Jessica Valenti
“Opt Out” by Lisa Belkin
“Taking Sides” by Kingsley Browne
The Beauty Myth “How Images of Beauty Are Used Against Women” By Naomi Wolf

Blog #10

The group I chose is the Global Fund for Women. "The Global Fund makes grants to seed, strengthen and link women's rights groups based outside the United States working to address human rights issues that include:

* Ending Gender-Based Violence and Building Peace
* Ensuring Economic and Environmental Justice
* Advancing Health and Sexual and Reproductive Rights
* Expanding Civic and Political Participation
* Increasing Access to Education
* Fostering Social Change Philanthropy"
In 22 years, they have given over $71 million to 3,800 women's groups around the world to help give opportunities to women. They also have special funding "initiatives" that allow them to continue to support an organization for several years. Basically they're a group promoting women's rights around the world.

Support the Working Group on Girls

The Working Group on Girls(WGG) is a Non Governmental Organization is a United Nations committee dedicated to helping girls around the world of all ages and races-- "A special NGO...dedicated to the truth that all girls everywhere
have the right to develop to their full potential." Its mission is to promote "the rights of girls in all areas and stages of their lives, advancing the rights and status of girls and assisting them to develop their full potential as women."

The activities of the WGG support the following aims:
*Ensure that national governments implement, through policy statements, program development, and resource allocation the commitments to girls’ rights made through international agreements;
*Advocate for the ongoing inclusion and development of girls’ rights in the work of the United Nation systems and structures and in international agreements;
*Promote the active participation of girls as agents of change in their own lives, families, communities and societies.

A partial list of WGG members:
American Association for Health Education (AAHE), American Association of University Women, American Psychological Association, Children of the Earth, Christian Children’s Fund, The Citizens Foundation USA, Equaltiy Now, FEMVISION, Friends World Committee for Consultation, Franciscans International, Girls Scouts of the USA, SWAA Society for Women and Aids in Africa, Society for Public Health, Society for the Psychological Study of Social Issues, UNICEF/USA, Women’s Federation for World Peace USA, World Alliance of YMCAs, World YWCA, World Information Transfer, World Movement of Mothers, Zonta International


As a woman born and raised in middle-class America, it is hard to imagine living without women's rights, civil rights, etc. However, this is the case in so many countries around the world, especially when it comes to young girls. For a girl to emerge as an empowered and successful woman (in these countries), she must be given an equal opportunity to do so--her rights must be protected. This organization is committed to the promotion and enforcement of such rights.


Visit their website at: http://www.girlsrights.org/Default.php

Ethnography

Research Design:
When I first read the article “Taking Sides” by Steven Goldberg and the Endicott’s I took the side that men and women are more similar than different. I’ve grown up in a family where housework was shared by all, both parents worked, and gender roles were hardly a factor (occasionally, but not often). The few jobs I had while in high school, were female dominated—mostly because it was waitress-type positions—but the males that were there were good at what they did. After thinking about the article, I got to thinking about my current job. There is only one male that has the same title in the same department I do. Does he have an advantage over the female employees because he’s a male? Is he under less pressure from the managers? Does he relate better to the managers due to the idea that males work better in hierarchies?


Methodology:
With this in mind, I decided to talk to my only male co-worker and to follow him during a shift to see if he had an advantage or not.


Questions:
Do you feel you have an advantage in our workplace because you are a male employee in a female dominated job? Explain.
I do feel I have an extreme advantage. Our customers are mostly girls, so I can flirt easily for better tips. I also have no shame so I flirt even when they are with their boyfriends.

Do you feel you can talk with the managers easier?
Yeah, they’re both guys so it’s easy to talk to them. They won’t think I’m attacking them if I complain and don’t see me as an emotional human being. Also seeing as how most of the employees at ******** are girls, I’m a guy they can talk to. We’re basically good friends.

Are the job requirements easier for you than for the girls?
Not really. We don’t have to stock heavy things and for things that are on high shelves we have a step ladder.

Do you think it would be easier for you to get a raise since you’re a guy?
Well, if corporate wouldn’t have frozen our raises then yes. Then again one person got a raise recently, so who knows.

So overall you have many advantages?
Yep.

Do you feel that, even though you are very outnumbered, the environment makes it an equal opportunity job for men and women?
For the most part, yes, however, because of our clientele and the guy managers I think I have an advantage over the rest of you.


Observations:
I followed my co-worker around for a shift at our coffee shop on a particularly busy day and realized how shamelessly he flirts with female customers and how easily he gets away with being a smartass with the managers. I try to flirt with male customers every shift, but usually they don’t seem to notice or don’t care. He walked away with nearly twenty dollars in tips that day; I’ve never done better than ten dollars (I usually work more shifts per week than he does too). One thing I did notice, however, is that when I talked with him after he had a private meeting with the managers, they shrugged off his complaints as easily as they do the rest of us (we all complain about the same one issue). He does get away with doing less work than the rest of us, but he could possibly make up for that in his high sales records. His advantage seems to be the greatest with the college demographic, which could be due to the fact that we work in a larger college town.


Write-Up
Overall, I think that because we work in a place that is overrun with female college-age customers and female employees, he holds a great advantage in tips and sales. The fact that our managers are males could just a coincidence but also give him an advantage, if not always most of the time. I think, however, more studies should be done to decide if men really have an advantage in this type of position (such as coffee shops). I wouldn’t know if other shops are male dominated or not.

Movie Review

I've actually watched quite a few movies lately, seeing as how I work at Hasting's it is easy to get my hands on a movie or two haha. Currently I am in the middle of watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (again) so I'll review and read gender in this movie.

In the Harry Potter movies, Harry is the hero. Typical gender stereotypes, other than this one, include: Snape (male) as the "maybe bad guy," Hermione as the "damsel in distress (at times) and the brainy one," Ron as the bumbling sidekick, Hagrid as the burly gamekeeper, Voldermort as the ulitimate bad guy, Umbridge as the evil woman seeking power and disregarding rules for her own agenda, and many many others. I never really noticed how gender was displayed in this movie until now. The advertisments portrayed these very roles, and if I remember correctly, at least one of the trailers shows Harry saving Hermione. I find it funny that in none of the Harry Potter movies Hermione is given as much credit as Harry and Ron for saving the day. She's the one who usually figures out the mystery, but that is all she really does. In this film, she fights the death eaters along side her male counterparts but isn't given as much film time in the scene. She also has to have help. There really aren't any characters who aren't straight. However, fans learned in the last year or so that Dumbledore is supposed to be gay, but his character seems to have no sexuality period to viewers. Only in the final book can anything be questioned and it is still very open to interpretation. This movie is definitely one that you shouldn't try to use this movie as one to show how gender is really represented in everyday life, just enjoy it for the imagination and creavitity in it.

Readings:
In chapter 7 of F-Word, it covers many aspects of marriage. Two things really caught my attention: an assumption that heterosexual marrriage may begin to resemble homosexual couples and the divorce rate lowering in the recent years.
I was somewhat confused when the said assumption came up. When looking at male couples, the one who makes less in the workforce is usually the one who stays home. In heterosexual couples, if one stays home, it is the one who would make less. In history and currently that is more often than not the female. Pay disparity is still a problem in our society. I see it more as homosexual couples taking on the roles in heterosexual couples, not the other way around. It doesn't make sense to me to say that if less successful person stays home it is not at all from the old gender roles. I see it as if one of the males stays home, he isn't successful and should do the housework like a woman.
The divorce statistics were somewhat mindblowing. We are told that we have more of a chance of getting a divorce than those before us, however, as evidence in this reading suggests that isn't completely true. Couples married in the 1980s have more of a chance of getting a divorce than we do. Its somewhat ironic to me. We realize that divorces are becoming more common, so we wait until we are sure we have found the one we are meant to be with so as to lessen the chances of divorce. Smart kids haha.

This advertisement for Jose Cuervo really caught my eye in several ways. First the phrase "Pursue your daydreams" which infers that you need tequila to do so, particularly Jose Cuervo tequila. While that isn't specifically gender related, if you look at the woman and man being depicted it shows two very attractive people, that one would think anyone would want to be with. It dipicts the female in barely a bikini and being held by the man. In a way, male domination is very prevelant, he has her in a way that makes it difficult for her to get lose. his carrying her also shows her as the weaker of the two and in need of his support (possibly finanicially and emotionally). She is his property and a typ eof sex object in that she is nearly naked. "Vive Cuervo," live cuervo, states that living the dream or your daydreams is, for women, being supported by men and being their sex objects. For men, its having that beautiful woman who you can dominate.

Readings:
I believe that everyone, both men and women, should be educated about the types of birth control available. It is a personal decision and should not be decided upon by the government or anyone other than the individual. While I'm still torn on abortion, again, I do not think it is an issue for the government to deal with. Regulations are the only way government should be involved to ensure the health and safety of the women receiving abortions.
Body image is a huge issue among women and girls. The media portrays tall slender women as beautiful and bigger women as ugly. There seems to be no in between. While we joke about bras being invented by men, not too long ago bras were thought of as a sign of oppression. Many women have a hard time thinking of themselves as attractive because of the air-brushed perfection of models. This is getting ridiculous in the fact that now doctors are telling slightly overweight females that they are fat and need to go on diets. Yes, this is happening, I had a doctor tell me that. I know I'm not tiny, but I'm not fat. No longer are doctors taking into account BMI's, just weight. Its abosolutely ridculous.

It's Sing Along Time! *snicker*

I'll try to explain these song by song, but who knows how far I'll get.

"Stealing Cinderella"
Fathers are supposed to cherish their daughters. Their daughters are their Cinderella. They are special, daddy's little girl, and not just any one will be good enough for them. This is ideally how daughters are seen by their fathers, however, it is not always the case. I know from personal experience.
"High Maintenance Woman"
In this song, the woman is a stay-at-home wife who is used to the high life. She only wants a man who can give her everything she wants. This is how some men see women, as gold-diggers. While there are those who fit this stereotype perfectly, most do not.
"Stupid Girls"
This song is about the stereotypical sorority girl, the girl who is rich, pretty, and preppy. It asks "where have the smart people gone?" This song appeals to those who don't want to be seen as an airhead, "blonde," or not ambitious. However, this is usually just an image portrayed, they use it to get where they want to be. Take Jessica Simpson, for example, she capitalizes on her "blondeness" to make money.
"Bootylicious"
Is about women finding themselves sexy and in demand. It exudes self-confidence, with an underlying of being almost conceited. It can be taken too far, this song pushes that limit. Self-confidence is sexy but by being so blatant about it, women are seen as high maintenance.
["Show Stopper" played when I added it but doesn't now :-( ]
"A Cause des Garcons"
A song by French artist Yelle. It basically says that everything women do, whether it is getting their hair done or dressing up, is for men. It goes on to say that this is caused by the magazines we read. (Translation: http://top40-charts.com/songs/lyrics.php?sid=22328&onlylyrics=1, Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmLjZrH0VlY)
"Boys"
Basically this is about a girl expressing her sexuality. It is expected of girls to want boys. While there is nothing wrong with wanting the opposite sex, it is not the only option now. This song is somewhat stereotypical of how boys expect girls to be about wanting them, when in fact many of us are not as up front about it.
"I Kissed A Girl"
While this song is about a drunk girl kissing another girl, which is supposedly every male's fantasy, it speaks about the other types of sexuality. It also speaks openly about being casual and not serious about someone in particular. It was very controversial when it first hit the airwaves, and still causes a stir.
"Shoes"
While the song in itself doesn't really speak about gender, it is by an artist named Kelly. The sex and gender of this artist is somewhat questionable. I've tried to find out, but found nothing to point either way.
"I'm take a lot of pride in what I am"
This song speaks of men being proud.
"Here I go again"
A very popular song by White Snake. It is about being a man who continuously leaves girls to be on his own. It makes women out to be expendable and just objects subjected to the whims of men.
"The fightin' side of me"
Merle Haggard wrote this song about how people disrespecting his government/country are basically pissing him off. He speaks of his pride in his country and insinuating that real men are proud of their country and defend it against those that dare to speak lowly of it.
"Good Ol' Boy"
Waylon Jennings wrote this song about men "just being boys," getting in trouble, and running from the law. In a way, he is saying that real men take risks and don't bow to authority.
"Sexual Thing"
Ah, Poison. Making women out to be sex objects only. The song itself is good in my opinion, but if I really listen to the message it doesn't take into account any other aspects of women; they are only sex objects.
"Bitch"
Woot! Meredith Brooks! This song is on here solely for the fact that it describes me almost perfectly. I can be anything any given day. I can be sexual, innocent, a bitch, or your dream. This is how I think all females should be: versatile.

On to the Readings
I totally agree that the feminist movements have been segregated within the ranks by class and sexual orientation. It makes the movement weaker to have factionsworking against each other. It does no good to fight for the rights of only certain women, there will still be women being discriminated against. Why should only one section get more rights? Isn't the idea equality? Why is it that only some women are worthy of those rights? That in itself is the bastard child of the patriarchal culture. You are only strengthening that by denying rights to other women. Go for it all, or none at all.

Courses for Me

At the moment, I am unsure what my career will be. With a major in Political Science with at least a minor in Women's Studies, I've been told there are many things I can do. The ideas I've had have covered a wide range of things: women's outreach, UN Human Rights' Council, politician, and so many other things. Basically I want to help better the lives of others. I've realized OU offers a wide range of courses through the women's studies department that could be of some use: Gender, Power and Leadership in Politics and Administration, Women Creating Social Change, Women and World Politics, Contemporary Feminist Thought, Women and the Law (which I have already taken), Women in the Military (which I have also taken). The titles of these pretty much tell you how they would assist me. I really would like to take all of the courses available, however, because I find the the histortic and contemporary issues so enthralling.

I think some people would say I want to help others because I am a female and it is supposedly my nature. While I do believe it is partly a maternal instinct (I've always been very motherly, ask any of my close friends. They say its cute), I really just want to better the world. Not because I'm a woman, but because I am a human being. Gender comes into play in any profession, whether you realize it or not. I'm not sure how it will play a role in mine, all I know is that I will come into contact with many different people and each will have a different gender identity.

I have mostly worked in the food industry up to this point. I worked at Simple Simon's Pizza for several years, Red Lobster, and now I work at the cafe/coffeeshop at Hastings. The only job I've had that wasn't was as a Resident Assistant (RA) at NSU. I was first hired at Simple Simon's to work the front, looking back I think they only hired girls to work the front (they underwent an owner change later, and I worked wherever I wanted), but soon I was doing the manager's duties (without the same pay, of course). I was a hostess at Red Lobster, which sounds like a typical job for a female, but I was trained with a guy for the same job. We ended up working together a lot. He was the only male that was strictly a host/busser (we had one or two that would take a shift if needed, but weren't hired to do it), however, so I'm sure they had to do it for some sort of quota. At NSU, I lived on an all girls floor, in an all girls wing. They hired different numbers of each sex based on how many floors they had of each. There was a guy who was an RA on a girls floor, but he was gay so he posed no "threat" to the girls. They were very open to different life styles, the assistant housing direct was a lesbian and there may have been a few bisexual students working there but I can't be certain. Now, Hastings is probably the most laidback place I've worked in regard to gender. Again, my position is what you would think would be a typical female position, but the cafe manager and one other worker are males (we don't have many positions at all, which is why only one regular employee). I only know for sure of one homosexual employee, for sure, at Hastings, but this is mostly due to the fact that I really don't care about a person's orientation, just about the person themself.

Reading:
I agree that feminist education and discussion has moved from a public podium to one almost exclusively academic. We need to reeducate the masses about what feminism is really about, that is not just a bunch of lesbian, man-haters who want to force themselves above men in society. We are women who want true equality, not equality in a man's world, equality in the world of people both men and women. We shouldn't force ourselves to adapt to a world that was shaped for men to best adapt to, we should reshape the world so that it embraces every gender. This the message we need to be teaching to new generations and to old ones.
(Don't have F Word yet).

Iron Jawed Angels

First off I would like to say that this movie has become one of my top 10 movies. Its hard to really envision these women doing everything they did to help further women, and this movie really helps to give an image to what we have been reading about since junior high. The parade was a very powerful scene that gave me chills. The women were so brave to go through with it knowing they wouldn't have police protection. My heart went out to Inez when she gave her life for the cause; not telling anyone she was sick was very noble of her, even if it was very foolish. One thing about it I wasn't too impressed with was that in many of the scenes, the props and wardrobe seemed too modern for the early 1900s. It took away from it a little. Having modern music, however, was a nice twist and probably helped some viewers relate to the movie more.

Readings:
The chapter that really spoke to me was chapter 11. It made sense when it said that until we end sexism, we will not end domestic violence. The majority of domestic violence is perpetrated by men, it is a show of male power and domination. Until we do away with the belief that men are superior to women, we will continue to have this type of behavior.

Interview

I interviewed my mother. She was aware of the feminist movement, but she said she wasn't too involved. Before I was born, she went to some meetings where the topic was "women's lib" but she didn't do much with it because she was given a hard time by her male friends. After going to the meetings, she agreed with it but didn't have much support from her friends. She describes herself as a pacifist and wishes she had been more involved. When she was growing up, she remembers that she had a few friends that she thought could have been gay/lesbian but growing up in Oklahoma people didn't "come out of the closet." She really never heard of feminists being called lesbian man-haters, she was shocked when I suggested it. She did know a man in Houston who died from AIDS, who ended up being gay. It was weird at that time for him to die of AIDS because it was not a common occurance, at least not a known occurance.

Readings:
In the McIntosh article, I found it interesting that the author compared "white privilege" to "male privilege." However, she didn't elaborate on it, which bothered me. I understand that she is saying that as a Caucasian, she doesn't have to worry about any of the things we take for granted, but I'm not sure how that ties into sexism. I realize that in 1989 women didn't have the opportunities that we do now, but she didn't really tie it in well at all.
(I don't have F-Word yet).

Back Pain Diagnosis---Pars Defect

So I went to my doctor appointment yesterday, only to be extremely disappointed. After 3 hours of poking and bending, 6 x-rays in 6 different positions, and lots of sitting around I was told I have a "pars defect" in the lumbar region of my spine (I have a fracture in one of the bones in my spine, not the vertebra itself, but the part that sticks out). This is a degenerative disease in your spine that is caused by hyper extension over time (can be caused by gymnastics and cheerleading, both of which I have done). This causes your vertebra to grind together at times. When I asked what could be done to fix the pain, he went into a long speech about how surgery would be a temporary fix (but the degeneration would start to occur above where my spine would be fused). He gave me exercises to strengthen my abdominal muscles/stretch my back muscles that could possibly ease my pain but not take it away. He prescribed physical therapy to help me learn to do the exercises correctly. After that he told me that taking pain medicine would not help much, but anti-inflammatory medicine would (however, gave me no prescription for any. Does he really think ibuprofen helps back pain???). He basically told me not to come back unless the pain got worse or it started shooting down my legs again (which actually all his poking and whatnot made it do that again).


While I'm supposed to trust that a spinal doctor is an intelligent person, I don't trust this man's recommendations. I have good reason to. When I first found out I had a spinal problem, I was told it was probably spondylolysis. I told him this, but he dismissed it and said after looking at my x-rays I don't have it. When I looked up pars defect, everything I found said the two go hand-in-hand. Wouldn't a good spinal doctor know that? An ER doctor (in Tahlequah, no less) sure knew what he was looking at. Second, I have a rib that likes to be dislocated. Said rib has been giving me problems lately and is sometimes so painful that I can't breathe. I mentioned this to him. His response? He'd never heard of ribs getting dislocated. Um.... hello?!?! Anything that has a joint or is attached to something else with cartilage can be dislocated. You don't have to be a doctor to know that. So now I'm in double pain because he's not the brightest. Third, he told me I'm very overweight for my height. Now I'm not going to argue that I may be somewhat overweight at the moment due to being sick, so therefore inactive, the last few months, but very overweight??? Come on now. He said the majority of my weight is in my upper body and therefore putting pressure on my spine. My question there is, did he even look at how I'm shaped? Most of my weight is in my butt and legs, you don't even have to take a good look at me to see that one.

This guy was not very observant and seemed to not know what he was talking about. While he was right about the pars defect diagnosis, he was way off base about other things (spondylolysis, anyone?). I'm getting a second opinion as soon as I can find a spinal doctor with a good reputation in the metro area.

I just thought I would give an update to those who have known what has been going on and wanted to stay in the loop. Thanks for all the support, I love you guys!